I'm leaving, on a jet plane...haha i wish.
i'm off tomorrow morning at 4 am
in a car...to the wonderful state of minnesota
over 24 hours straight...heck yes.
call or text...i'll be bored.
love to all my lovers <33

oh yeah...one year ago at this exact time
i was being serenaded by the wonder that is Christopher Ender Carraba
damn, last year seemed so much better
June 16th...
his intro to "Hands Down":
"this is a song about the best day of my life"
mine too.

birthdays are for suckers
and damn i feel like such a sucker right now
i had this compelling urge to be unbelievably nice today
i think that was accomplished
i hope i wasn't too forward
and i like not getting a reply
because that shows me that it's done
it takes me half a year to realize that
i hate being stubborn
and i felt so uncomfortable there
as if somebody else took over some territory that i felt i had control over
it's not mine
maybe it was never mine to begin with
i was walking around everything
i feel like such an outsider
but six months of the outside doesn't seem so bad
and each day i'm getting farther and farther

damn i was too forward

that look on your face made me want to tell you everything
but even as it was happening i had nothing to say
actions speak louder than words
in that hug...i tried to pass on every bit i had left of whatever we had
i tried to give it all back
and in return i tried to get all of me back
but that is lost or forgotten...buried under some books in that bottom shelf
far underneath those pictures, far underneath that calender

i felt brave today
ringing that doorbell, walking in there, seeing her everywhere
i felt like i was ending my movie dream
the greatest story i could have ever imagined
naive...yet great.
something to pass on
something to learn from

i won't wear my heart on my sleeve
or yours for that matter

it is finished...enough now <33

[	mood	|	indescribable	]
[	music	|	Parking Ticket's cover for Vindicated	]

i must blame the food.
and you.
reoccuring theme in my entries: mixed signals suck ass.  they can die die die.  and never reappear ever ever again.
okay? thanks :)
okay honestly...wtf was that?
i was fine...great...completely okay without whatever it was you gave me.
but no...you just couldn't leave it that way
you have to go back and use your irresistable charm on me which you know i'm a sucker for
thanks..
so i'm really counting on the mexican food to be the cause of all this
and when i finish digesting it and it leaves my system...things will be okay
but the fact is...all those looks that the entire room saw shall not leave my memory
no...they will permeate my brain down to my heart and make me wonder what the hell you were thinking
can't you just leave the planet so i don't have to see you every again?
or maybe i can just erase my memory of you so i don't have to ever remember you again
no...that won't work
because tonight, i saw you for the person you were...and maybe it was only because the relatives that you like oh so much weren't there but the fact is, is that i still saw you.
and you saw me...which i haven't felt in a long time
a rush of unwanted emotions have returned...
and we were doing so damn well!
please don't look at me that way, talk to me that way, treat me that way, and sing that song that way
because i just don't think i can handle it anymore
you've done too much
but if this is meant for something...then i guess just let me live through it without permanently demolishing my blood and life source.
and i thought that maybe it was just me and i was reading way too much into things
but no...apparently it was quite obvious
maybe you should've been more discrete so steph would have thought i was crazy and making things up.
i miss you again tonight
and i'll think about the european wonders until i fall asleep <33

note to self: mexican food gives you mixed signals.  mixed signals are bad. therefore, mexican food=bad.

[	mood	|	nostalgic	]
[	music	|	Dashboard Confessional- Hands Down	]

exactly one year ago at this time
i was standing outside in my neighborhood
making my movie dream come true...

Breathe in for luck,
breathe in so deep,
this air is blessed,
you share with me.
This night is wild,
so calm and dull,
these hearts they race,
from self control.
Your legs are smooth,
as they graze mine,
we're doing fine,
we're doing nothing at all.

My hopes are so high,
that your kiss might kill me.
So won't you kill me,
so I die happy.
My heart is yours to fill or burst,
to break or bury,
or wear as jewelery,
which ever you prefer.

The words are hushed lets not get busted;
just lay entwined here, undiscovered.
Safe in here, from all the stupid questions.
"hey did you get some?"
Man, that is so dumb.
Stay quiet, stay near, stay close they can't hear...
so we can get some.

Hands down this is the best day I can ever remember,
I'll always remember the sound of the stereo,
the dim of the soft lights,
the scent of your hair that you twirled in your fingers
and the time on the clock when we realized it's so late
and this walk that we shared together.
The streets were wet
and the gate was locked so I jumped it,
and I let you in.
And you stood at your door with your hands on my waist
and you kissed me like you meant it.

so basically there are no words...
this will always be your song
good night and thank you for everything <3

[

mood

|

geeky

]

notes to self:
-he's just not that into you
-break up sex only gives false hopes

oh how i love oprah and my new 6 word motto <33

[	mood	|	sick	]
[	music	|	Relient K- Mood Rings	]

Cause you confused me more than anyone
And adjustment has begun
To let me feel the desperate need to leave what we undid undone
_______________________________

last month of school
work/information/stress/emotion overload
READY GO!

there are no words to even begin to describe the hell that this next month will entail
way too much to do in so so so little time
and time is of the absolute essence
we're so so tired and at the rate we're going, the nearest holiday just might be?
and i'd just might rather die before i reach that

everything's over
and just when things might get easier
they don't 

i need an outlet
i need...
well i know what i need
i want an outlet
and while some of us patiently wait, seeming quite undeserving
other people of course seem to be in luck, or worthy, or in the right place at the right time?
but instead of wasting another entry on meaningless words
i'll leave it alone because come to think of it i have all i need
and for now, the necessities shall suffice 
and contrary to my own belief five minutes from now,
or my feelings tomorrow,
i think i just may be in love with it all <33